Healthy BOUNDARIES | BAC MAssage Therapy

Healthy Boundaries

First, let me start by saying that I am in no way an expert on boundaries and I have not actual training in this area. Most of my experience with boundaries is from personal experience, observation, continued learning, and what I see in the clinic; I can however recommend a professional or two if you are in need of some support with this.

Although I am not an expert, boundaries are something that I have come to feel strongly about personally and professionally.

So even though this is a topic that can quite frankly be intimidating to ponder, it is also a topic that has the power to help you live your most amazing holistic life.

Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You get to teach people how to treat you ​by deciding what you will and won't accept. ~Anna Taylor

What are some signs you need healthy boundaries?

Most of my personal work on boundaries has happened without even realizing that was what I was establishing.

All I knew was that there was something in my life that I did not feel was acceptable and I had to figure out what I felt was acceptable moving forward.

Often establishing boundaries results from feeling resentment, frustration, angry, and burnout ... spoiler alert, these are all indicators of poor or weak boundaries.

​Other signs?

​Feeling bad or guilty when you say NO ... not feeling able to say NO ... feeling you need to explain your decisions or rationalize your choices and decisions to others ... not speaking up when you are treated poorly ... letting others define you ... giving as much as you can without thought for your self or your well being.

What are healthy boundaries?

To start creating healthy boundaries, we must first look at what boundaries actually are.

Healthy boundaries are the physical, emotional, and mental limits we establish in order to protect ourselves, our time, our energy, our relationships, and our well being.

They are a way of communicating to others that we have self respect and self worth; and are a means to take control of your life, preserve your integrity, to take responsibility for who you really are and create your best life.

Ultimately boundaries act like filters on your life, letting in what is acceptable and keeping out what isn't.

Healthy boundaries are critical to your self care.

What do healthy boundaries look like?

Here are some of my personal boundaries as well as some that I have found through my learning ...

• Say NO without guilt or an explanation!
• Ask for what you need or want!
• Don't apologize for your decisions!
• Take care of yourself!
• Say YES because you want to ... not because of obligations or to please others!
• Ask for help! “I need your help with ...”
• Behaving according to your own values & beliefs ... not the values & beliefs of others.
• Feeling safe to express difficult emotions and have disagreements.
• Choosing to agree to disagree.
• Feeling supported to pursue your goals!
• Being treated as an equal.
• Taking responsibility for your own happiness.
• Being in tune with your own feelings and put them into words.
• Know who you are, what you believe, what you like.
• Spend time alone when you need.
• Setting actual physical boundaries between work and life ... or time boundaries.
• Putting your phone on Do Not Disturb!
• And anything else that aligns with what you need and helps you create the life you love!

Some boundary setting guidance

• Start slow ... one boundary at a time.
• Go with what feels right in your heart and soul.
• Ask for support when you need it.
• Write it out ... now I'm not talking about making a list with bullet points, I'm talking about just writing things out as a means to clarify what it is you actual want or need ... try a brain dump of all the things that trigger a feelings like anger, frustration, resentment or make you feel burnt out ... and on the other end of the spectrum, write all of the things that make you feel love, joy, security, peace, support, nourished, and alive. This can help you figure out what you want to keep out of your life and what you want more of!
• Speak up for yourself and ask for what you need people to do in a clear and concise way ... use your feeling words, and words like "I need you to ..." or "I need your help with ..."
• Don't apologize for the changes you are making ... anyone who gets mad or irritated with your boundaries is someone who probably benefited from you not having strong healthy boundaries ... it's a them problem not a you problem.
• Make it up as you go ... I don't think that you could possibly anticipate all of your boundaries without coming up against things that trigger anger, frustration, resentment or burnout. So as you come across something that you deem not acceptable, add it to the list.
• Surround yourself with a community of people who support you, love you, and will help in any way they can ... even if it's just sitting in silence.

Love yourself enough to set boundaries!